NOT MINE

4 yrs back, I saw you in the corner of the room , our eyes met and the whole world stopped. The very first thought I had my shining eyes and your dazzling smile would make a perfect pair. Someone cracked a joke and you laughed felt like fairy announcing here starts another love story. I heard him talking, his voice was a rhythmic chorus to my ears, girl in vintage dress approached you for dance, there I was burning in jealousy, I knew from the very first moment you were not mine, I’m gonna loose you one day. I knew you dancing with her, drunk on something stronger then wine. I knew this is gonna hurt badly and see here I’m covered with bruises. Flashback are haunting me in cold night, your warm smile, those dazzling eyes, black long messy hairs. I remember all too well.

I’ve looked at you in million of ways and loved you in each. Your voice was my favorite sound but now it haunts me in sleep. I’ve been hearing rumors about you lately and I think those are true. You got a girl at home so don’t look at me like that.

It sucks, doesn’t it loving someone you can’t have. Seeing them everyday, but knowing that they’ll never be yours. It’s the worst feeling cause all you can do is dream about and wish for them, but never have them.

I don’t want to be just friends with you. I tried to change the ending, Jaani loosing Apsraa. When you smile it makes my body shiver because I know that smile used to be because of me. I can’t see that with my eyes and pretend like it’s okay, because it’s stabbing me deep into my heart, I’m choking on my pain. Tears came pouring down my cheeks when I’m drowning ,that’s when I could finally breathe and I let the river of my tears take away all your pictures from my room.

I can’t be just friends with you because every time I see you I fall in love again. You are not mine, but sometimes I pretend that you wish you were. I create this idea that you secretly want me and I often forget it’s just something I’ve made up. You do not want me and you are not mine.

I hate you for being so cool, I hate you for being good, I hate you cause I love you, I hate you cause I can’t have you, there’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have.

My shoulder, Your head

My jokes, Your laugh

My umbrella, Your rainy day

I don’t want us to be just friends. I never knew silence could be this loud. I knew you were not mine. Love is for show for her but I would die for you in secret. I know you’re not mine.